My husband Damien is a musician, a bass player. In fact, music is what brought us together: I met him at a concert in Germany in 2010 when he was touring in Europe with his band! So due to his profession, even after we got married, even after I moved to his home in California and our long-distance relationship officially became a real marriage (You know, seeing each other every day? What a concept!), a couple times a year his band goes back out on the road, for anywhere from two weeks to two months.
Now, two to three weeks is peanuts, we can handle that very easily. But this current run lasts for two months, which is a hell of a long time to be apart! That’s definitely hard to swallow, and I’ve definitely shed a few tears and had a lot of inner unrest going on in the weeks before he left.
The first day alone is the hardest. I’m not very good with good byes, so of course I cried the morning he left. And felt pretty down the whole day. The second day got a little easier: I guess it takes a whole day and a good night’s sleep for me to process such a big change of routine! I remembered all the great things I had planned for the next couple weeks, and all the writing and content creating I wanted to get done. So I dove into work, enjoyed myself and time just flew by! But after a week or so, heartache started to knock on my door again.
So that’s where I’m at now. When Damien is gone, I usually sleep on his side of the bed and sit on his side of the couch, so I don’t have to look at and feel the empty spot…but what I realized last week is that by doing so I also soak up as much of his energy and his presence as I can, even after he is gone. Which is very comforting! But since that first week has passed, I haven’t been able to feel his presence as strongly anymore and his side of the bed has started to feel very empty…I guess it takes about seven days for somebody’s energy to leave a space, at least one that is his or her regular habitat.
As you can tell, I have a lot of experience in how to keep up a love relationship over the distance of time and space! So I thought I’d share with you my best remedies for loneliness. Some of these may be pretty obvious, but still very effective!
I won’t promise you that you’ll never feel lonely again just by following these tips! Sometimes, you just feel lonely and blue, and that’s okay. It passes. It’s part of life. But I love to have me some comforting tools and tricks to make life apart a little easier! Most of these tips work for singles as well as those with partners.
So here are my top nine remedies for loneliness:
1) Get busy! No matter if it’s work or a passion project of yours, or simply keeping the house extra clean: DO SOMETHING. It’s great distraction, and it’s very fulfilling to get sh*t done. It makes you feel good to create something, start a new project, or finish something that’s been lying around forever.
2) Call a friend or a family member at least once a week. This one’s pretty obvious! Of course nobody can replace your spouse, or your child moving out to go to college, or the simple lack of the partner you’re longing for…but loving, supportive human interaction is a great remedy for all kinds of heartache. Hearing a friendly, familiar voice, sharing everyday experiences, jokes and troubles…it soothes the soul!
3) Meet up with friends at least once a week. Whenever Damien is on tour, I make sure to schedule at least one get-together a week, may it be lunch with a friend, a birthday party or a concert.
4) Meet new people! Now this one can be challenging for me, as I can be shy, sensitive and self-conscious when meeting new people. But force yourself out of your comfort zone and talk to strangers on the street, or to new colleagues, or to people that go to the same yoga class as you that you’ve never talked to before. I actually made it my goal for these two months apart from my husband to make at least one new friend (The coach in me LOVES measurable, achievable goals and concrete action steps!).
5) Try something new. Challenge yourself. It’ll keep you on your toes, keep your mind busy, and help you increase your self-confidence. When we’re with our partner, it can be easy to stay in our comfort zone. Why go out to a new event in an unfamiliar place with people you’ve never met before when you can snuggle up on the couch with your hubby? It’s harder to make these excuses when you’re by yourself, cause let’s face it, as much as you may love your sofa, snuggling up on the couch is only half the fun alone! Consider signing up for a new class or workshop. What have you always wanted to try out? Painting? Music? Rowing? Yoga? Cooking? Flower arrangements? Financial Planning? A juice cleanse? I had my first professional photo shoot last week, and I’m going to my very first coaching summit next weekend…pretty exciting stuff! 😀 Oh, and I’ve given my first drum lesson ever…the opportunity came right in time, I took it without hesitation, and it was a very nice experience! 🙂
6) Pamper yourself. You’ve got all this love in your heart longing to get out, but there’s no one to give it to? Give it to yourself! Get that new haircut. Book a massage. Go shopping. Got to bed early. Buy (or cook) yourself a nice dinner. Sign up for that personal development course. Put some work and effort into your self-love in this time alone, and I promise you, your spouse will love you even more when he or she gets back…and if you’re single, you’ll be become so attractive and radiant with self-love that your soulmate can’t hide anymore! 😉
7) Find new ways of connecting with your partner. When Damien is on tour in Europe, we can’t text and it’s hard to schedule calls due to the time difference….so the motto is one email a day! Luckily this time around he’s traveling around the US and Canada, so it’s a little easier to connect every day via cellphone. Either way, this is a good time to come up with new ways of connecting. Send a long, heart-felt love letter on a hand-picked card. Write a love poem. Take those sexy photos and send them to your lover. Share song lyrics and quotes that really touched you. Book a nice event for when your spouse comes back, perhaps a romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant or a trip to the nearest hot springs. Get creative! There are so many ways to express your love…
8) Give back. Do something selfless, perhaps make a donation, volunteer or help out a friend. Love is the only thing that increases when we share it 🙂
9) Dive into your own sense of spirituality. No matter if you believe in God, the Universe, nature, positive energy, pure love or a different form of higher power…we all have that need to connect to something that is greater than us. Now is a great time to find some stillness and connect to this higher power! Whenever I get very lonely, I ask my angels for help…they’re ALWAYS there for me and it’s incredibly comforting to have this divine support!
I hope you find some ideas and consolidation in these tips! As hard as it can be to be apart from your loved one, it also bears the opportunity to find, reinvent, stretch and empower yourself. And if you’re still feeling lonely, shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll talk! 😉
In love, wisdom and joy!
*This post was first published on http://www.energiesinmotion.com on September 19th, 2016