I’m sitting here by candlelight, listening to the rain pouring outside, grateful for our gas stove that allowed me to make a cup of coffee with a percolator…my husband was sweet enough to wake me up this morning, as our power went out and my alarm stayed silent. But, it’s a peaceful morning, and the only thing that dims my mood is that our internet connection is out…
After putting it off for a couple weeks, I finally started working on my opt-in sequence last night. There’s still a few confusing things about the whole technical side of it, but I finally figured out how to make it as easy as possible on myself without making it look really lame! 🙂 I even drew the “Go for it!” angel card yesterday morning, so it seemed like I was all filled up with inspiration and ready to go…
But alas, the little work session I had planned before going to my day job this morning ain’t gonna happen, because there’s no electricity, and no internet.
Sure, I could rush off to a cafe and get some stuff done before work there, but I really don’t like the idea of a) rushing in the morning, and b) trying to focus and get in the zone in a loud, crowded cafe (It’s Saturday morning, after all). So I decided to stay home and just journal a little bit. It’s still productive!
Still, I can’t help but wonder about the mysterious ways of the Universe. Yesterday all the signs were on “Go”, and today I’m held back by technical difficulties. My thinking mind can’t help but try and make sense of this situation: Is this my punishment for procrastinating too long in the first place, holding me back now that I’m all fired up? Is this a lesson in trust and patience? Is this simply a coincidence that has nothing to do with me?
I don’t know what it is with our need for a meaning, for explanations. We try so hard to make sense of everything. We let out a triumphant “Ha!” every time we think we’ve figured something out, made sense of something. We say “Sure THIS is why all this happened!”…but at the end of the day, we only come to a certain point, and from there on out it’s impossible to wrap our thinking mind around the issue. Around the Why and the How and the meaning of it all.
I was talking about this with my husband the other day. A little over one week ago, a devastating fire burned down a warehouse in Oakland that was used as an illegal artist living space. During a concert, the whole thing burst into flames, killing dozens of people that had basically no chance of escaping the maze of wooden furniture and stairs. Three of my husband’s old coworkers were at the concert; only two made it out alive. The “Oakland Fire” has been the number 1 conversation and news topic for the whole past week. The air is thick with shock, grief and pain, and hearts are heavy everywhere in the Bay Area.
As always with tragedies like that, there are all these attempts to explain what happened, what caused the fire, but most importantly, who’s to blame.
“It’s the fault of the police for not enforcing actions around building code violations!”
“It’s the landlord’s fault for not taking care of their building!”
“It’s the artists’ fault for seeking out illegal spaces where they can live, work and party in for cheap prices!”
“It’s the fault of all these rich Silicon Valley people who drove up the cost of living in the Bay Area to such dramatic extents!”
In the end, these accusations don’t help. They add rage and hatred to the already heavy burden of grief. They stir up the emotional fires even more that are still burning even after the actual flames have long ceased.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to seek for a cause. I’m not saying it’s wrong to try and make improvements. But there’s a certain point where we have to accept that we will never be able to fully explain what happened. We will never be able to ensure 100% that no tragedy or catastrophe will ever happen again. We will never know WHY things like that have to happen.
And: It doesn’t help to judge, point fingers, seek revenge, and blame.
We can’t cover our grief with blame and hatred and think we’ll get over it with rationality and scapegoat-ing. We need to make time to work through our emotions. There’s a time for anger and rage, but we also have to allow space for grieving, understanding, and ultimately…acceptance. We can work through our emotions and investigate the causes and take any action humanly possible…but after that, when we have reached a certain point, we just have to hand the rest over to God, or the Universe, or the whatever power you believe in.
And this goes for everything in life: for dealing with a huge tragedy, working on a career, seeking a romantic relationship, battling a disease, or simply dealing with a power outage at an inconvenient time. We humans have amazing abilities and skills. Our brains and minds and bodies are true miracles! But they can only go so far. And it bugs the hell out of the ego that there are these limitations. We can either get frustrated and stressed out by it – or we can choose to always do our best, accept our limits, and let God take care of the rest.
And so it is.
I’m sending all my love and light to everyone who has ever experienced great loss, heartbreak, and this feeling of helplessness…which is basically everyone on this planet. Know that you’re not alone! Ever.