Perfectionism can be a huge source of anxiety. It’s a game you cannot win!
Learn how to use a spiritual, loving approach to deal with perfectionistic tendencies.
Alive, Centered, Comfort Zone, Complete, Courage, Empowerment, Fear vs Love, Fulfillment, Fully Present, Grounded, Healing, Highly Sensitive, Holding Back, Responsibility, Success, Taking Charge, True Self, Unlimited, Wholeness
I’ve come to realize that approximately 90% of my life have gone by without me fully being there.
You see, as a highly sensitive person my nervous system filters out less information than the nervous system of a more “hardy” person (that’s the actual scientific term). I’m especially prone to picking up other people’s energies and absorbing a never ending flood of sensory and mental information, to a point where I often forget who I actually am. Is this really my opinion or did I just pick this up from the person I’ve just talked to? Do I really want to do this or am I just receiving the information that someone else wants me to do this? Do I really want this product or service or have I just absorbed a very strong, effective marketing message?
Whenever you’re not 100% in yourself, fear comes up, a very existential fear of not being there. Because you aren’t fully there: A big part of you is filled up with outside energies and other people’s stuff. The result: A constant sense of low-level anxiety, lots of worries, and a gut-clenching fear of really showing yourself. Because when you fully expose yourself, the last few pieces that remain of the true You may be taken away as well and replaced by something from the outside.
It’s not that I’ve never felt complete before. In fact, I can exactly recall the feeling of being whole and complete; this feeling of being completely held and supported. This feeling of filling out my body completely and actually going even beyond that. This feeling of being bigger than my body and larger than life and fully saturated. You can even see it in my posture: When I am feeling whole and complete, my chest is open, my shoulders roll back and down, my chin is up and I am standing upright.
Alas, 90% of the time, I am not feeling this way. 90% of the time I’m allowing something or someone else to enter my space and making itself at home there. 90% of the time I’m afraid, feeling incomplete, ungrounded and perforated. FRACTURED.
I am beginning to understand why I’ve been having such a hard time speaking my truth, showing myself to the world, building intimate relationships and committing to MY life completely. Why I’m often tired and feel the need to shut down; why I’m having a strained relationship with money; why I’m so shy and fearful around people. Why my posture is often hunched forward, making myself literally smaller than I am, my rounded shoulders trying to provide a protective cage around my heart.
That’s why there’s walls and mirrors around me, a whole fortress of protective mechanisms; but it’s a futile attempt. I’m still losing myself in the world. And unfortunately, I am at the same time isolating myself from those people and things that are supportive to me. I am isolating myself from deep friendships, more money, a successful career, fun and laughter, intimacy and fulfillment.
I made a promise to myself when I was 14 years old to tear down the walls around me and allow myself to FEEL. But it looks like I did an incomplete job; the walls turned into mirrors, got more sophisticated, more sneaky, hidden and unpredictable. But at the end of the day, a big part of my life has still been ruled by fear. A big part of my life has still been spent worrying, being afraid, stressing out, feeling stuck, hanging onto the past, hanging onto my comfort zone.
Instead of being fully present and fully in my body and my Self, I’ve wasted energy worrying what other people may think, how to find the right words, I’ve beaten myself up for past mistakes, worried about the future, feeling overwhelmed, holding onto my security blanket, feeling paralyzed. Sure, I’ve learned about grounding and letting go and forgiveness, and I’ve gotten better at releasing stuff that isn’t mine; but I can still see that the times I’m actually 100% present and complete are few and far between.
Yesterday I talked to a wonderful coach in the morning and had a huge shift. I could literally feel my aura that was sunken in and perforated before growing big, whole and filled out. My posture changed. My mindset changed. Instead of feeling like I’m just a bystander of my life, trying to look from the outside in and fixing things from the outside, I felt like I was at the control panel again, in the driver’s seat. I was looking out from the inside, from the full, whole, healed center of my being.
So that’s what it’s like to be filled up! To be complete. To be 100% there. To feel like you can accomplish anything in life, because you know you’re supported, held and fully standing in your power. To trust that you are an unlimited source of YOU, and therefore you’re free to share as much or as little of yourself as you’d like to. No more fears of lack and losing yourself. Heck, you might even grow bigger and MORE fulfilled by showing yourself as you are and sharing your beautiful, radiant energy!
You know exactly what space you fill out, now that you OWN that space. It’s a source of confidence, success and LOVE.
The fractured Self is ruled by fear. Fear is what seeps into the holes, if you let it. Love is the glue that binds and heals and makes you whole and complete again. From here on out I vow to show up fully to my life, to every day and every moment; to stop making excuses; to let go of fear, become larger than life and make every decision coming from a place of wholeness, power, trust and Love.
And so it is.
On Day 2 of the power outage I was sitting on the couch under multiple layers of clothing (including my favorite snuggly oversized sweater) and a pile of blankets, waiting for the electrician to show up. Turns out that in a house from the 1920ies fixing a power outage isn’t as simple as flipping a switch in the fuse box… 😉
Internet breakdowns, broken computers, lost cellphones and power outages present great opportunities and the perfect alibi for getting still, turning inwards and practicing the return to a simpler life. I remember several times in the past when my internet connection broke down and, after the initial bout of frustration, I’d enjoy reading a good book, writing a letter instead of an email, knitting, drawing, baking, listening to music, and other slow-paced activities that are all too often replaced by being on social media, emailing, watching YouTube videos and texting.
Being without a few “necessities” such as Internet, electric lights and central heating even for just 24 hours made me realize how little we actually need – and how much we DO have:
I’m grateful for having running water.
I’m grateful for our gas stove that’s allowing us to boil water for tea and fry some eggs even without electricity.
I’m grateful for our landlord who’s so easy to talk to and takes care of everything in an instant.
I’m grateful for the electrician who is coming by on a Sunday morning to fix our fuses after having already been to Sacramento at 6 am (!).
I’m grateful for the relatively mild California winters – now don’t get me wrong, it was cold in the unheated house, but it could have been worse. At least it wasn’t freezing outside! 😀
I’m grateful for the abundance of food and drink all around me, reliable transportation and flexible coworkers coming in a little earlier to cover my shift while I was at home waiting for the electrician’s verdict.
Seriously, if you’re living in a western country, you have a nice roof over your head, running water, heat, electricity and grocery stores abound – if you have ALL that, you’re incredibly abundant. You’re taken care of. All additional goods as well as all additional worries are pretty much luxury.
I’m someone who loves to be comfortable. I love coming home to a warm living room when it’s cold outside, I love the educational freedom the Internet provides and I love having our Christmas lights on this time of the year.
But realizing that it’s possible to do without these things and that I don’t need all of it is very freeing, and very humbling. It’s one thing to intellectually know that you have a lot to be grateful for – it’s an entirely different matter to feel this incredibly deep sense of gratitude, this overwhelming feeling of abundance…and completeness.
You don’t need that new iPhone to be complete, that fancy BMW, that sparkling diamond ring, those $200 shoes, or even electric lights (Thank God for candles!) – you are complete and whole just the way you are. In fact, all the materialistic and technological temptations around you can contribute to actually taking you away from your wholeness, fracturing your being into a thousand different posts, likes, images, clicks, videos, hashtags, games and pieces of information.
Trying to become whole through outside possessions, relationships and status symbols is like pouring water into a bottomless barrel. It’s never gonna fill the void. It’s never enough. It’s never going to be enough. Instead, remember your whole, healed self: You are complete. You are perfect. You have everything you need. Coming from this place of wholeness, you can then add all the small and big luxuries of modern life as an extension and expression of your highest truth.
There are 3 steps to reclaiming your wholeness:
1) Eliminate all distractions (even if it’s just for 5 minutes!)
2) Tap into the core of your being and realize who you are without all of the material accumulations, the relationship ties, the certifications, qualifications, titles, status symbols…realize that you are already complete and whole just the way you are
3) Feel gratitude and a sense of abundance wash over you and fill you out completely, grounding you and centering you.
Try and follow these 3 steps every day, even if it’s just for one minute. This process will help you to feel complete, whole, relaxed and happy – and it will bring more blessings into your life than you can count 🙂
Wishing you love, abundance and a grateful heart,
Even though I had myself a nice 3-card reading today, I’m only going to write about one card of the spread. The other two are either personal messages that won’t be of much use for anybody else, or their topics have already been covered in previous entries – and I don’t want to bore you with repetitions 😉
So let’s talk about Harmony today! 😀
We sensitive folks cherish and crave harmony and balance – so much so that we often avoid conflict and confrontation at all cost! Or we avoid trying something new and stretching out of our comfort zone, because it may lead to disappointment, failure, or judgement and criticism by others.
But here’s the thing about harmony: It’s not a static state. In real life, balance hardly ever is the perfectly still, even scale. Rather, harmony is like a dance: A dance of opposing forces, of peace and conflict, of activity and passivity, of joy and pain.
The human experience is all about contrast: Without darkness we wouldn’t appreciate the light; without pain we can’t experience pleasure; love loses a lot of its meaning in the absence of hate. Of course, we are all striving towards joy and away from pain, but the point is that without darkness, there’s no way for us to understand what light is.
I think that the beauty of life lies in the space between these contrasts, these opposites. If we can find peace and joy in the midst of chaos, in the ups and downs of life, and appreciate both sides for what they have to teach us – that’s when we can find true harmony.
Coming from this place of inner harmony, we have the clarity to understand what is needed in any situation, and the strength to make the right decision. Sometimes this may mean an open talk, an honest conversation, being vulnerable, taking the plunge or making mistakes in order to grow. At other times, we may be better of resting, keeping quiet, observing, waiting, and accepting what is. Either way it takes courage to overcome fear and nurture inner peace and loving harmony – life gives us many challenges and opportunities to practice balance!
By cultivating harmony within we are able to better understand the ebb and flow of life, and we may also bring a little more peace to the world.
And so it is!
Have a harmonious Sunday! 😃
Human beings are hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. It’s just the way we are! So when I tell you that there’s power and wisdom hidden in physical and emotional pain, you might feel the urge to stop reading and turn your attention elsewhere. Pain is something we like to ignore, push aside and cover up. Unfortunately, pain is very stubborn: If it doesn’t get dealt with, it keeps coming back, or even worse, it starts building up until a certain point is reached and all the stuffed down feelings explode in one huge emotional outbreak. Which can be hurtful to others and draining to ourselves.
There also is a way in which suppressed pain can become chronic, when our body and brain become so used to the darkness bubbling underneath that they adapt this state as being the norm. And then it gets REALLY hard to shift into a more positive way of life!
In short, there’s no way around the pain – the only way is through it.
Emotional pain such as frustration and sadness, or diffuse physical pain that doesn’t seem to have an obvious source can occur when something in us is not being expressed sufficiently. Our bodies talk to us all the time about what they need, but unfortunately we’ve pretty much unlearned how to listen to these subtle messages (learn more about this here). So our bodies need to speak louder to get our attention, and that’s where tension, discomfort, pain and a lousy mood come in.
But it’s not just our bodies that request our attention: Since thoughts, emotions and our intuition are very subtle energies, they ask the body for help in being heard.
So what are some possible issues that cause pain when not expressed?
It could be not honoring our need to rest and recharge.
It could be buried down fears, concerns, grief and other emotions.
Or things that bother us in our relationships that we don’t address.
Pain can come from working a job that is meaningless to us.
Or from holding back our own ideas, deepest dreams and most heartfelt visions.
Pain occurs when we’re not making room for fun and creative projects.
Here’s a really common one: saying yes when we really want to say no and the other way around.
Another source of pain is withholding nourishing foods from our body, and feeding it what’s cheap and convenient instead.
Now, what do all these things have in common?
In all these little ways we give away our personal power. We suppress our inherent strength and wisdom with every big or small decision we take against our gut, against our instincts, our preferences, our truth. When we hold back our personal power for long enough, it starts to hurt. Literally. So really, that pain we’re experiencing is stored personal power. Let me say that again because this is super important: The pain we’re experiencing, no matter if physical or emotional, is really stored personal power.
Just imagine the potential in that!
What if that headache is really just a way of telling us that we have been working too much and are not having enough fun?
What if that anger we’re feeling is simply trying to say “stop letting yourself be pushed around and start setting healthy boundaries”?
What if your fatigue is warning you about a certain relationship that may be draining your energy and taking more from you than giving you back?
Or imagine a pain in the stomach signalling worries and concerns that haven’t been dealt with, and that should be expressed in a creative project?
Can you see how much valuable information can be found in pain and discomfort, if we just stop for a moment and listen with an open heart? Next time you’re in any kind of discomfort, ask yourself:
What am I holding back that wants to be expressed?
What feeling, action or confrontation am I avoiding?
What am I afraid of acting on?
What needs to be changed, introduced or let go of in my life?
And then find a way to let it out. You can talk to a loved one or a trusted friend about it, or directly to the person it relates to, if your pain does relate to a certain person in your life.
You could also use creative expression, such as journaling, drawing, writing, playing music, singing, creating art, cooking, photography or whatever makes your heart sing.
Another great way to release that stored personal power is to get up and move your body: Go for a hike or a walk around the block, go running or go to the gym, do some yoga, or dance around the living room.
If you feel like you’re holding back ideas and big dreams, what is one little action you can take today to bring you just an inch closer to your goal?
And if you need rest, please take some time to nourish and take care of yourself. Take a nap or a bath or a shower, buy yourself some flowers, cook your favorite meal or go to bed extra early tonight.
By expressing yourself fully, you are taking back and using your amazing super powers to their full extent. It’s such an exciting process to work through the pain and see what wonders are hidden behind it!
Behind every painful symptom, there’s a story. Listen, learn and transform.
If you have a moment, please leave me a comment below:
What challenges are you going through right now?
How can you make sure you’re expressing yourself fully in this situation?
What are your favorite ways to blow some steam?
I can’t wait to hear from you!
Much love. Here’s to your amazing, beautiful, powerful you!
This weekend I went to my first coaching summit ever: the Client Attraction Summit by Thrive Academy. And boy, what a wonderful, inspiring, intense and transformational journey it was! 😀
Even though the promise of the summit and the offered programs was how to start making $10.000 per month as a Coach or Holistic Practitioner, it was about so much more than just business. It was about an extremely inspiring, loving and supportive community of heartfelt life-changers and visionary leaders. Next to amazingly deep conversations, we also went through some profound breakthrough coaching together. So my biggest takeaways from this summit aren’t mere business tips, but life lessons that will certainly impact my everyday life, my relationships, my self-confidence – and in effect my business as well.
Jesse and Sharla, the founders of Thrive and two speakers at the summit, shared their view of how being a business owner is a spiritual journey: It brings up all of your fears, insecurities and doubts, and it requires you to be vulnerable, visible and persistent. It requires you to make mistakes, fail, and get up again every single time. It requires you to be fully committed to your unique powerful vision and meaningful mission. Yes, you need to learn the ins and outs of how to handle the logistics of a business; but you also need to become the person you need to become in order to be a successful business owner and inspiring leader.
I’ve had many Aha-moments and big insights this weekend, but I’m feeling called to share with you THE biggest personal takeaway from this summit with you, dear reader! In part to help me process the events of this past weekend, and in part to pass on some of the value I’ve gained that is so deeply affecting me that I just can’t hold it back! 😀 So here we go:
True power comes from embracing and loving ALL parts of yourself.
The context of this lesson was about how to become a good speaker: In order to be authentic and captivate your audience, it is important to remove all filters and show all aspects of your being: The confident rockstar, the quiet introvert, the fierce warrior, the joker, clown and inner 6-year old; your sexiness and your nervousness; your vulnerability, compassion and kindness; your power as well as your fears. This is what makes for an interesting speech, this is what makes you relatable and endearing, and it will keep your audience on their toes!
For me, this is such a huge relief: “Really, I’m allowed to be a bad ass rockstar in one moment and a sensitive dreamer in the next?” 😀
How often do I cherish a certain side of myself, just to judge and deny another part: Sure, I love it when I feel strong, loving and confident. But how about my fearful side? My sensitive nature? Being shy and held back in crowds? Can I embrace and openly share these aspects, too?
And how often do I only show a side of myself that I think my audience will like, not just on stage, but in everyday conversations? For instance, when I’m with musicians, it’s so easy to want to stick to the confident, bad ass, sexy and funny side of me and hide the sensitive, dreamy, girly and spiritual side. Or when I talk to healers and conscious/spiritual folks, I get really hesitant to share that I play the drums in a rock band, and that I stopped being a vegetarian and eat meat again on a daily basis…
But really, we need to give ourselves permission to share ALL of who we are. The good, the bad, and the ugly, the strengths and weaknesses, the quirks and imperfections. That’s what makes us lovable, and that’s what true integrity is all about. And really, it’s a HUGE waste of energy to try and hide things that are essential to who we are, or to try and pretend to be something we’re not. It just doesn’t work! People will always sense that something’s off if you’re not true to who you are. And they will turn away.
I’ve definitely learned this the hard way as recovering people pleaser: How many potential friendships have I broken by not sharing ALL of who I am, but just a careful selection? How many relationships have stayed superficial or awkward by not revealing my deeper thoughts, emotions and dreams? How many times have I felt burned out and resentful because I didn’t have the courage to set clear boundaries and say an empowered “No!” when I needed to?
As soon as you start to love the whole of who you are, you start being in the flow, and everything becomes a whole lot easier. This weekend’s summit has provided such a wonderful, safe space to practice being my true self: I talked to, hugged and danced with so many strangers; I had tears in my eyes in one moment and laughed and giggled in the next; I felt overwhelmed and afraid at times from being in a room full of 200 strangers, loud music and high energy for 3 days straight; and I felt held, supported, loved and inspired from the power of this wonderful community. And ALL of it was ok. All of it was allowed, appreciated and supported. What a powerful lesson!
Seriously: Please allow yourself to be who you are! You are beautiful, amazing, fascinating, and inspiring just the way you are. You are enough. You are valuable. You are a gift to this world! 🙂 My promise to myself is to allow myself to be more of who I really am, and to be more open about everything that’s going on inside of me, not just in writing, but in everyday life as well. And I want to hold space for YOU to discover, embrace and love who you really are.
All of it! 🙂
In love, wisdom, joy, fear, compassion, thoughtfulness, shyness, sexiness, power, doubts, insecurities and childishness 😉
PS: If you’re a Coach or Holistic Practitioner, please check out Thrive Academy and the Client Attraction Summit: They give away tons of free scholarships, and I can’t speak highly enough of Jesse and Sharla and the whole Thrive team. Really, go to the next summit, if you can! It’s such a treasure 🙂
*This post was first published on http://www.energiesinmotion.com on Sep 26th, 2016